I didn’t know whether I wanted to post these sketches; I did them the other night while watching Bones so I wasn’t fully focused on them, and was kind of surprised-verging-on-disturbed when I really looked at what I’d done. They’re not a whole lot like my usual productions!
I’ve been wrestling with a particular demon lately, and I wonder if my current reading matter and my horrid dreams are all contributing to producing what can really only be subconscious purging.
Then I read Pauline’s post about how art is expression of self in any given moment, and I thought do you know what, actually I do want to post these because they are stepping stones on my creative and spiritual journey and are as valid as any aesthetically pleasing piece, maybe more so in some ways.
Lately I’ve been noticing how I’ve been posting more for you than for me, which was not why I started this blog and certainly reflects the presence of my people pleasing demon, who is leading me on a merry dance of late.
I love that you are here, but ultimately I am creating my own path by walking it here, and that means not hiding ~ including and especially from myself ~ the parts that aren’t as pretty. As in art, so in life, or something.
As Pauline says ~
Art allows me to honour and express
Exactly! I am learning {apparently the hard way} how to do that in my life, so of course it is tied in to my creativity.
These wonky, rough sketches, with their tinge of anger and frustration and confusion, remind me of art I used to make as a teenager {what can I say, they are trying times!}.
I guess I don’t find them that disturbing, they are quite familiar really. I actually like this yellow one more each time I look at it.
And really, it’s not all about pretty girls and joyful colours is it? We must embrace all our parts, not just those we are happy for the world to see.
Hi Tara, I love reading your posts. You’re right to share these as much as your other work. I too am on a journey in so many ways at the moment and am finding it hard to paint what I need to be painting for work (what others want). I think I’ll do a bit more for me and maybe it’ll free me up in more ways than artistically! Thank you for sharing these and your thoughts. Wonderful. I too particularly love the yellow one!
Yes, we must embrace all our parts, whether others want to is another matter but you’ll find the ones that are able to are the ones that really are the ones you want around. It’s not all about pretty and joyful, as you say, life has so many other shades, some are more open to accepting that than others. Keep up the great work! Nikki x 🙂
Hello Nikki, how lovely to meet you! I have just spent a while on your Facebook page and website looking at your beautiful work! Gorgeous fashion illustrations and I particularly love your paintings of your life in Qatar. Thank you so much for stopping to say hello and be so supportive. 🙂 x
of course you know that i love this. i love the real, i love that you’ve chosen to share the real.
i painted some seriously WTF? paintings when i truly immersed myself in intuitive painting….and i was really nervous of sharing them…but you’re right, it’s all part of the creative/spiritual journey and it all has value.
oh, and yeah, the people-pleasing demon is always nipping at my heels….i just have to remember to stop sometimes and give it a hoof in the teeth…
🙂
xo
Thank you Mel ~ perhaps I was also subconsciously influenced by Monica’s ‘sharing of the real’ on her new blog! (Which is relevant to you because you’re how I found her so in my mind you are always together!)
Did you share your WTF paintings? I’d love to see….
xx
I’m so glad you shared these Tara. I deeply value and appreciation ‘genuine’ and ‘real’ – whatever form they take.
I have a people-pleasing demon too. Your post has helped me to realise that I almost never post on my blogs any more because of that demon. It feels like work to post for readers and I have o energy for ‘work’. I am going to self-search and see if there is a way my blogs, particularly the creativity blog, can be for me.
Thank you
🙂
Thank you Libby, and I’m really happy that you found it helpful. I think it’s quite easy to slip into that self-censoring thing; we just need to check in and see if we’re remembering to honour ourselves.
Oh Tara, it was such a lovely surprise for me to read this post!!
I am SO glad you chose to post these fabulous sketches. They are ALL fabulous.
We all ask ourselves the same questions now & then, don’t we?
DOES THIS EXPOSE ME TOO MUCH?
WILL THEY THINK I’VE LOST MY MARBLES IF I POST THIS?
🙂
Ultimately, it’s who we are – and i’m so thrilled that you found the courage to let us journey here with you.
You brave girl, you. i love you even more now. 🙂
xoxo
It’s all good practice for not minding what anyone else thinks outside of yourself isn’t it. Allowing ourselves to be vulnerable is often really hard, but as my teacher always says, ‘in my defencelessness I am safest of all’. Thank you for inspiring me and reminding me to please myself! :)xx
These are such evocative images Tara. I’m so, so glad you shared them and are facing your people-pleasing demon head on (I’ve never thought of mine as a demon….an interesting thought….). I’ve been finding that the posts I put up that scare me the most (that I edit and re-write over and over) are the ones that people relate to the most. And never (seem to) find as shocking as I fear they will. You’re totally right (isn’t that Pauline just brilliant!?) that our blogs are a place for OUR voices. I’m so glad to hear/see a part of yours xxxxx
Thank you Lorinda; I agree that the ‘stickier’ posts are ALWAYS better received than I imagine. Don’t hold back! 🙂 x