Do you ever get bored with yourself? I’m a bit bored with myself. Well, in terms of ‘being an artist’. I think I’m trying too hard. And somehow not doing enough at the same time. I suppose it’s what you might call a rut.
I really like this reworked painting. Kind of. But I feel like a fraud because it didn’t take me six months to do. You know, like when a Real Artist does a painting and it takes ages.
I always seem to have this struggle with validity. I know I’m not the only one, and when friends express similar feelings I am always astonished and want to shout – What are you talking about? You’re brilliant, and individual, and looking at your work makes me feel amazing! (And I don’t care if it took you six weeks or six minutes.) Why I can’t shout that at myself I’ve no idea.
But I’m starting to be annoyed with how my paintings are pretty much purely aesthetic. I have so many thoughts and feelings I could (and I think need to) be expressing, ideas that could be worked out on the canvas, but all that comes out is circles! And flowers and lines. And in this case pears. Here it is before and after.
I think it’s fear. I’ve been avoiding the studio, or wandering in and wandering straight out again. I’ve even piled a bunch of crap in the doorway which makes it hard to get in there! I want to be the sort of person who paints from the moment she is up until bed time. What I actually am is the sort of person who is letting her fears stop her from doing what she loves. Which is silly. I’m sure recognising it is half the battle, so I’m off to clear the doorway and Get In There and win the rest of it. There.
Read my Books
Hi sweet Tara! I can totally relate lovely… i question myself about validity all the time and am a huge procrastinator when fear is knocking on the door. You are so right that recognising it is half the battle! I LOVE your pears and it doesn't matter if it took you 6 hours or 6 days…we never know how something will come together, some pieces do take forever and others just mysteriously fall into place so quick. They are all valid. Hope you're winning the battle and doing what you love! 🙂
*shouts* What are you talking about? You're brilliant, and individual, and looking at your work makes me feel amazing! (And I don't care if it took you six weeks or six minutes.)
😀
Can you just try to play? – your studio can be your play room! I know it's sometimes difficult to get into that mindset, but if you can it can help get out of a rut. I love the pears!
xxx
hello Tara!!
this work is great!! I like it…
Thank you all so much!
Becky you are so right about the importance of remembering to play – I definitely fall into the trap of taking it all too seriously sometimes!
Thanks Erin for the support as well – it's always comforting to be reminded it's not just you!
And thank you ValeriAtelier too – lovely to meet you! 🙂
I think it's good to question ourselves sometimes in order to grow, but (please) don't let it keep you from creating – I've just discovered your blog, and want to see more 🙂
Thank you Cat, and thank you for joining! 🙂