So over here in the cutting edge world of my living room, it’s crunch time. I bought four small canvases, with a view to using them for my genius idea with the lists. I painted three, and they have since lain on the floor making me feel uncomfortable every time I step over them. I think it’s partly to do with the fact that the colours are way too primary for me, partly because they don’t have the magical quality of the first one, and partly because they smack of production line art which I don’t like and have no wish to do. Also the size is wrong and frankly the quality of the canvas too. (Apart from all that they are perfection!)Anyway, the fourth went in an entirely different direction:
Can you tell I was longing for calm?! Lots of lovely texture and whiteness, and new things to notice each time you look. Then I had one of those mini epiphanies – do you get those? – while walking down the street yesterday afternoon, when I saw the painting fully formed, like Athena bursting out of Zeus’ head in full armour. Of course by the time I got home its vividness had faded but it’s definitely starting to look something like my little vision…
I’m struggling to know when things are finished at the moment. It used to bother me but it doesn’t any more, apart from maybe mild frustration, because I know if I leave it around where I can see it it will just come together eventually.

The question is, do I paint over the kindergarten monstrosities? Funnily enough, I think just writing this down has made me decide. The list idea is still there, but it wants to be on bigger, deeper canvases, with different colours. (Sorry, I know this is boring, but it helps me.) Also it reminds me how I can’t work unless my heart’s in it. Inauthenticity produces paintings no one would be able to connect with, and I can’t sell work I don’t believe in.