A friend and I have an ongoing conversation around what it means to have ‘a thing’, and having mastery of it, whether for income or fulfillment or both. It’s a question I see many of us wrestle with, especially when we feel we don’t have a single focus, whether that’s in our art or in our lives as a whole.
My friend and I were emailing about this the other day, and I ended up writing her quite a long and, as it turned out, impassioned email! It occurred to me when I got to the end of it that it might be useful to share it with you, especially if you’re struggling with feelings of inadequacy or that you’re unable to settle on a single thing in your art and really master it.
Sometimes we receive what some people call ‘downloads’; I think perhaps this email to my friend was one such download. I feel it to be true in my bones but it also unfolded as I wrote. I’m sharing it with you here, with my friend’s permission, and only slightly edited for easier reading. I use the terms ‘ego’ and ‘spirit’ – you might use others, but it comes to the same thing.
Enjoy!
“I’ve been thinking about this idea of being ‘really good at something’, and honestly, I think it’s totally arbitrary. I think it’s exactly that that stops so many people from just starting things, or changing anything fundamental in their lives.
‘Really good’ can only be judged – against totally made up measurements – by people who aren’t you, so it’s neither a safe nor reliable judgement. Those incredibly high standards we hold for ourselves – how can they Truly be our own standards?
Spirit {and by extension our ‘spirit selves’, for want of a better way of putting it – our True selves perhaps} holds no such standards to live up to. And the part of us that is ‘really good’ at something is the spirit part, only in spirit it’s not measured that way. It’s measured in terms of joy and fulfillment and a feeling of being alive. Not in terms of some arbitrary scale of outside success, grades, qualifications, financial gain, or what other people think.
So the things that you are really good at? They’re the things that make you feel like that joy, fulfillment and feeling of being alive. You’re already good at them because they’re your most natural expression. And you – or ego you – will never feel that you’re good enough at them.
If you’re waiting to feel good enough, or to find out what to do to be or feel good enough, and you’re asking ego, you will wait for the rest of your life.
If I come from that side of myself, I’m actually not very good at art. You, I’m sure, and any number of other people might argue that. But that’s outside measurement, and all those people are measuring it against things that are nothing to do with me, like their personal artistic preferences, what they think of other artists’ work by comparison, realism and accuracy of representation, how much they like me as a person, etc.
But inside my own ego, I’ll never be a truly skilled and great artist – that’s a ‘fact’. ???? That’s always there. I’m not the best at drawing realistically; I’m very aware of my limitations in that – I’m ok at it but certainly not ‘excellent’, and to think about it that way doesn’t feel good at all. It brings up questions of validity and the arrogance of calling myself a teacher, or even an artist.
If I sit in that place, it makes it really hard to do anything, because what’s the point? And it’s so overwhelming to think about all I’d need to do to ‘become good {enough}’. It serves neither me nor anyone I might wish to help to come at it from that perspective.
If I’m going to do what I’m here to do, I have to allow it to be enough and not keep checking in with what ego thinks about it.
The only useful way I can do that is to look at it with spirit’s eyes. That’s what guides me, pulls me forward and shows me what to do next.
Everything I create and share that fits the criteria of joy, aliveness, fulfillment, my Truth {not ego ‘truth’} – irrespective of how those things might be measured in the outside world – those are the things that people love the most and benefit from most.
It’s a very easy formula in that sense. Spirit has zero interest in ‘good enough’, ‘being really good at’, ‘mastery’, ‘success’ etc. Spirit is interested in full expression of Truth. That’s it. {And typically the most sustainable outside ‘success’ comes from following that, not from the trying to be good/best.}
The only reason my business is doing as {arbitrarily} ‘well’ as it is at this point – ie. bringing in a fairly solid, if ‘low’ income – is because overall I’ve followed Spirit, not ego.
That’s not to say ego has had no say or caused me no trouble! You might remember I was 100% certain I could never create or run an online course – I didn’t know enough, I wasn’t good enough at technology, I didn’t have teaching qualifications, and I definitely wasn’t good enough at art.
But my curiosity and love for making things were stronger, or I let them be stronger and lead for a bit, just to see. Spirit only needs a little room to get started, and it doesn’t need a huge and detailed plan for ‘success’. It only needs ‘what if I…’ or ‘I could try this for a week and see what happens’ etc. Which are not overwhelming like ego’s demand to know what’s going to happen and when and how and all the steps.
It’s back to just the next right thing, right now. Spirit also forgives ‘mistakes’ because it doesn’t see them as mistakes. It doesn’t see failure or setback or anything that can be measured by that arbitrary outside system.”
There is so much more to say on this topic. My email to my friend was getting long so I decided to stop there, but there were some nuggets in it I think that offer perhaps new, kinder perspectives.
What do you think about this idea of mastery of something? As an artist, do you feel like Sisyphus much of the time, striving and trying and nowhere near where you’d like to be? What if you ‘switched seats’ and looked at it from different perspective? Tell us in the comments!
If this thorny question of focus and mastery is a big one for you, you might like to check out Abstractify. It’s the course I created to address the very common struggle of finding and developing what’s ‘you’ about your work. To find out more, click here.
This is lovely and definitely resonates, in fact I’ve been pondering a similar question for the past couple of weeks, well years really, but wrote something like this last week. As usual your version is so much more eloquent and to the point, thanks for getting my thoughts organised for me, Tara!! 😉
I think the ego thing is fear of scarcity driven, for me at least. If I had a trust fund I’d really not care how meandering my path was. I was going to ask you “so do you promise that money follows the passion?” and then you replied in the next paragraph, so how’s that for synchronicity.
“Essentially my logical brain knows that some kind of succes in the form of money and recognition is necessary to be able to keep a roof over your head, and for that, you need to produce something. This is something I stress over on a regular basis. My inner self / “soul” otoh? Is merrily disregarding all this and acts as if I’m simply working on one 30 year project. OOOODLES of time to make it all come together and finish something.”
That part of me doesn’t really care if most of my harebrained experiments failed, as long as I get to see what happens. Quite often I know already it’s going to fail but go ahead and do it anyway.
And then I become terrified I’m going to live out of a shopping cart when I get old.
Like you this is something I think about a lot Pia. It’s a tricky one, wanting your art to also be your source of income. It so often looks like an overnight success thing for people, especially on social media, and I don’t know that that’s ever the truth. Certainly some people do it fast, but we never know the whole story, what they’ve sacrificed or continue to sacrifice, how they really feel about it all, how sustainable their choices are. I’ve read plenty of posts about people who ‘had it all’ and completely burned out. Slow and steady does seem to win the race, but that also means another source of income is required in the meantime. And of course there’s no formula we can all apply for guaranteed success!
We each have to make the path by walking, which means meandering and diversions and overcoming blocks in the road. And of course there are all those ‘shopping cart’ fear stories ego tells you along the way! It’s not a journey for the faint of heart! I don’t have the answers, but I do know it’s possible. I also have learned that for something to change, something has to change, and it may not always be comfortable. It might ask us to give up certain beliefs, and perhaps we don’t even know we carry them at first, or it might ask us to change habits and routines, or to negotiate a day off work each week, or to ask for more help from loved ones. It’s often said that building and running your own business {which is what making money from your art is when it comes down to it} is one of the most powerful self development tools there is, and I’m inclined to agree! In the end I guess you have to weigh up what’s most important and keep moving towards it.
I don’t actually care deeply about making money from art per se, it’s just that it would be more convenient since I can’t think of anything else (and lord knows I’ve tried a few things) that I want to spend my time on. And I don’t have enough spoons to be creative AND work a dreary slave job. My spirit is all about the making itself and not about the result, at least not for more than about 5 minutes after it’s done. And definitely ego that wants it to look good.
Oh Tara, this struck a cord in many of us, I’m sure.
You are so right. People pay expensive therapy hours to get to that insight, which is easy enough to understand but sooo hard to really grasp the true meaning of. I won’t even mention practicing it in everyday life!
What you’re saying isn’t just confined in art but our whole lives and people are social creatures that like to compaire. I can only speak for myself but everytime I’m really happy with something I’ve created I can only feel true pride and happiness for a few minutes. Then in comes comparison to other artists, artists with representation, with better CV:s, more experience, more “painting hours”, more talent, more this and that.
I’m so thankful for having found your blog and courses, because you keep reminding me of the most important thing of all and that is to be kind to myself in order to be what I want to be: a happy (and hopefully also skilled) artist.
XXX
Gina
Glad it resonated in a positive way for you Gina! The comparison thing is a slippery slope, and sometimes so hard to avoid! From my perspective, your perseverance and consistency is definitely showing in your work since I’ve known you. 🙂
Thank you so much! I’ll try to remember that next time doubt knocks on my door ????
Dear Tara,
Thank you for this blog. It captures really clearly for me the struggle between the self critical ego self and and the creative self. It’s something that has brought me quite low this week so it is touching on something very important. I’ve recently done some pieces which are from that True self part of me, I felt that joy and excitement and a deep alive connection to the ‘something’ I feel is my creative spirit. I do think this is the spiritual also my child self and my wise/fool self. The paintings are not conventional but have a mysterious quality which I can’t ‘make’ happen. I made the mistake of showing them to a ‘friend’ who said that they weren’t ‘marketable and I should do this and that’. It floored me for a a couple of hours and is still lurking in the back of my mind but I know this work is me and I’m determined to trust my experience and just keep open to the flow. Thank you Tara this was spot on for me. xxx
Hi Bar – So glad the post helped you in some way! Sharing our work often does feel risky – I think if it’s a fledgling idea or new thing we have to be extra careful about who we show, why we’re showing them, and extra clear in ourselves about where we sit with it before doing so! Not always easy. And not all art has to be marketable, I might add. 😉 {Obviously you know all this – I’m just affirming it. 🙂 }
Thank you Tara, I’ve not put these thoughts and feelings into words before so it’s really helpful, thank you for the blog and your generosity.
My pleasure! I love talking about these things – glad to help where I can. 🙂
A very famous artist once said, “It has bothered me all my life that I do not paint like everyone else.” That artist was Henri Matisse.
Ha! I wonder if he realised how many would envy that!
And yet he kept doing it!
Tara I am so glad you do this work as a blogger. I am continually inspired and comforted. I have always struggled with my painting not being good enough. I don’t draw that well unless I really WORK at it. Lately I have learned that working at it is o.k. (I used to think painting was a gift not a skill…perhaps it is both). I have been painting more often since your 7 day challenge and I have noticed my work has gotten better. I have learned something with each painting. At times I have been ecstatic that I managed to capture in paint what was rolling around in my head! So, I think that even though my “studio” is in the middle of my kitchen (best light and surfaces I can scrape off dropped paint) I think I should leave it up so I am continually called to paint. I paint because the painting muse won’t let me stop!! I’ve tried. I haven’t sold many paintings but that’s not the reason I paint. But anytime sell one I am happy. I am most happy to see myself improving and learning from the practice of painting regularly. And, what I have learned lately is to paint from myself not FOR others even though people have commissioned me to do a painting. It is all about the journey and I appreciate being able to read your posts Tara and the comments from other painters.
Thank you for the kind words Pamelagrace! It’s always lovely to hear what I put out into the world is helping in some way. And yes! Totally agree painting is both gift and skill – techniques can be learned and ability can be developed. Sounds like you have found a really lovely and sane {!} place with your art.
hi,
I am a textile Artist. I have tried to make money from my Art and I had a tough time. I did the craft fairs etc I heard the viscious comments and suffered the idea ‘robbers’.
If it helps I read an article 15 years ago and in that article it said some creatives (Mozart) produce ,create and are recognized when young. Other Artists wait until later life . It appears the later Artists follow a path which does meander. Their Art is created from the sum of their experiences and interaction with this world and the unconscious .
So I hope there is hope for us yet.
right now I have been working frantically, enjoying working even if the process of my negative inner critic is challenging. I found it real useful to give up outcome determining and let the work take me where it will. I don’t know if it will sell. i like it . I am so happy working doing what I want to do and i suppose the eternal conflict of what is work ,surfaces.
i am almost reluctant to share this work in case its reception breaks my heart.
There are as many ways to come at it as there are people I guess! No one ‘right’ way. Glad to hear you’re following your heart and getting lots of painting done! I always find it most helpful to be clear in myself how I feel about the work before sharing it – then other people’s praise or criticism makes no difference. 🙂
Sharing the story of your inner struggles is extremely generous and helpful to your readers. I feel inspired every time I read your posts. In fact, I didn’t feel much like painting today, so I grabbed my computer to read your latest email. I knew it would spur me to overcome my inner criticism and get painting.
Unfortunately, many of the greatest of artists (Van Gogh springs to mind) never knew how much their unacclaimed work would someday mean to others. It helps to know that everyone struggles, even if burn-out from repainting a popular genre is the problem. Thank-you for your generous spirit.
That’s so wonderful to hear Mary – thank you for taking the time to stop by and leave such a lovely comment!
For me, I am a perfectionist, and when I am doing any art, be it photography or painting, I need to leave mastery behind and just enjoy the pastime for its enjoyment and the relaxation it brings.
Very wise! 🙂
I struggle with this. I come from a country where the term ” jack of all trades master of non” is thrown around so easily … But I do struggle with this. I love many mediums and many different styles of art, and wouldn’t want to give up any of them to just do one thing or one style.m I am self taught and so I’ve had no real official training ( not good for the ego ) and I don’t know which way to go or what comes next … Or what I should focus on… I just feel like my mind is my worst critic, my worst enemy.
I feel like the label of being an artist is quite cumbersome , as an artist is someone who has an art degree, they have exhibited at the salon or a gallery… But because I haven’t done any of those things I shouldn’t use that label and call myself an artist. The struggle is real.
I love your thoughts on just doing and not listening to the ego or caring about labels. I’ll see where that takes me.
Thank you for your words, they shed some light for me.