“Fear is the raw material from which courage is manufactured. Without it, we wouldn’t even know what it means to be brave.”
Martha Beck
It feels as though everywhere I turn lately, there’s some sort of movement around the necessity to become fearless. It’s become kind of a buzzword. Pinterest and Instagram and blog posts are riddled with memes proclaiming that fearlessness is how we’ll be better people/get more done/create something significant, the implication being that once we reach that mythical state, our lives will become easier, or truer, or somehow better.
I think that’s bullshit. I don’t think it’s possible to be truly fearless, and what’s more, I don’t think it would serve us to be that way.
When I create something ‘True’ – by which I mean something from my heart, from the deepest, realest part of who I am and what it means to me to be alive as a human in the world – sharing it is always, always, accompanied by fear.
Sure, it might seem like it would be easier to put things out into the world with no fear of criticism, no fear of ‘failing’ {whatever that means}, or of success, no fear of indifference even.
But to suggest, and have people believe, that being without fear is a goal to aim for is, to me, to miss the point.
Fear is a part of being human.
And absolutely there is fear that motivates and fear that restricts, and it behooves us to do what we can to cultivate the former and release the latter.
But can we really, any of us, ever become fearless?
And is it really the kindest thing we can do for ourselves to be trying?
I receive emails all the time from people who, for whatever reason, are afraid when it comes to their art, and feel that it’s holding them back.
And if it’s stopping them from making their art, from expressing themselves in the most significant and meaningful way they know, then yes, it is holding them back.
But to suggest that there will come a time, or that they can somehow make that time come, when fear will no longer be present, and to expend energy trying to get to that time, is, in my experience, a waste of that energy and distinctly unloving.
In fact, directing our attention at the fear – either in resistance or sitting in it – tends to only bring more of it.
Better and kinder by far to accept that there is fear, that there will always be fear {although it certainly can and does diminish the more you do something}, and to make the priority that deep and necessary commitment to ourselves to do what calls to us anyway.
There’s another option
Fear is part of our internal messaging system. If we can recognise that, and accept and integrate it, it becomes an ally, not something to ‘crush’ or ‘kill’ {or ‘f**k’}. Those kind of violent words, so often used around and against fear, do nothing to support us in dealing with the reality of the feeling when it comes up.
What if we just said, ‘you know what? I’m afraid, I’m really really afraid’, and made the work anyway?
Then at least we could expend the energy fear brings in ways that allow us to move forward, to create, to step up and out of the cave fear would have us hide in.
You’re not wrong to feel fear.
That’s the important thing to understand. A suggestion that you could or should be fearless, that it’s some kind of badge of honour, is so damaging.
Haven’t you noticed how whenever someone describes another person as fearless – in an introduction, on a podcast, in an interview – that person will never say, you’re right, I have no fear and that’s why my life is awesome and easy?
They always say some variation of, oh I feel fear! I just carry on because the work is more important. They have accepted that part of their inner messaging system and turned it from a limitation to a strength, simply by continuing to say yes to the work, and using the fear energy as fuel.
To the outside world that can look like fearlessness, but that’s a misperception.
Our fear can help make us strong.
Knowing it’ll always be there {even if it is much diminished} is a comfort, because then we no longer have to bother with trying to get rid of it.
So now we have comfort and strength, and that fear energy becomes fuel and motivation.
I don’t really like that whole ‘prove them wrong’ philosophy.
It’s a waste and misuse of my time and inner resources to make things just to prove someone wrong, and how can proving someone wrong really benefit the world?
It’s just more fear, more I’m right and therefore you must be wrong. That’s how wars start, for pete’s sake.
A case for being ‘self centred’
I don’t make things to prove anything. I make things because they come to me and I feel strongly that they need to be made. And initially that’s not even about being of service. Gasp! My priority is not to serve!
My priority is to make what I’m being asked to make because it feels True, and because it keeps me sane and aligned with my real self to honour the ideas when they arrive.
I am in joy when I create, and that’s what allows it to be of service.
Service comes after creating, as an inevitable part of the process.
It doesn’t always look like what we might assume service to look like.
For me it looks like online courses and writing {aka creative encouragement}, and art people buy and enjoy, but it doesn’t have to be so ‘public’.
Service can look like doing what your heart calls you to do because it makes you more you, and when you’re more yourself you’re a powerful and positive force to be around, even if that stays within the four walls of your home.
{Which tends not to happen; it ripples out whether you intend for that or not.}
I don’t think becoming fearless is a noble or worthy cause. I think it’s a distraction from the real work we’re here to do. And when I say ‘work’, I mean what feels essential to our souls to be doing.
I have no intention of becoming fearless.
The fear I feel is simply a part of the process of bringing meaningful work to life. That’s not to say it’s never uncomfortable for me, or that it never holds me back in certain ways.
But I see it, I recognise it, and I carry on walking with it right there beside me. Not because I’m ‘better’ than anyone else, but because it serves me to live this way.
And serving myself like this serves others. It acts partly as a demonstration for those who want to see that, and partly as a catalyst for making the art, creating the courses, and writing the blog posts {and books} that help and delight people.
Another perspective
We live in a dualistic world. Remove fear and you remove courage.
Without courage, would you do so many of the wonderful things you do? Get married? Have children? Ask for a raise? Travel? Smile at a stranger? Would you even get up in the morning and leave your house?
Acting while fear is present not only strengthens you inside, it makes you an excellent role model for your children, or indeed anyone who happens to be watching.
It gives the rest of us permission to start now, and not wait until we’ve become superheroes.
So for the love of all that’s holy, please, stop buying into this idea of exhorting yourself and others to be fearless. Make it easier on yourself and let that go. It’s ok to do what’s easier!
All that’s being asked of you is to listen, really listen, to what wants to be made by and through you, and do the best you can to respond.
The feeling of essentialness that comes with that is why you have fear around it.
It’s ok to be afraid. You can still make your art.
In fact, you might find it would be harder to do without a little fear by your side. And it’s true what ‘they’ say; the riches you will find on the other side are worth that bit of extra effort it takes to ‘do it anyway’.
What do you think? Do you find that cultivating fearlessness has value? Does my perspective ring true for you or do you feel differently about it? Share your thoughts on fearlessness in the comments!
Hi Tara, I totally agree with what you are saying in this post. I have fear everyday in lots of different ways and to lots of varying degrees. In my experience, the constant engagement with fear through resistance, challenge and/or denial is totally and absolutely exhausting! These days I just try to go with flow of what I’m feeling at any given time, the good, the bad and the ugly. Just like the advice to be constantly positive just sounds fake to me, I want to enjoy and experience all of being human, including fear. Sometimes life is uncomfortable, to fight that truth seems pointless to me xx
“the constant engagement with fear through resistance, challenge and/or denial is totally and absolutely exhausting!” – so beautifully put! I’m with you on experiencing all of it, comfortable and uncomfortable – I had a kind of epiphany around this recently and it’s shifting how I perceive things to something much softer and less ‘fighty’! I’d be interested to hear an argument for fearlessness now!
Oh, boy. Don’t get me started! If only I had been as wise as you, many years ago! I had to learn the hard way. I blustered about, full of bravado as a young, frightened divorcee. I self-medicated. With all that fear-avoidance play-acting going on, no Art got made. I thought I had to give it up, and spent many years lost, and trying to avoid my constant fear. But finally the miracle happened, and art came back to me. Then some serious family problems happened, loss and fear returned; art went away….but not for long! Now retired, I’m so grateful to have the time to make and learn and share in this way with so many kindred spirits from all over the world. Fear and creative blocks come and go. Let it flow. Cheers!
It does seem to be almost a rite of passage for so many of us, to lose it and get it back. The hero’s journey! Glad to hear you have it back in your life Genie. 🙂
Thanks Tara, me too x
Being brave is not ‘fearlessness’. Being brave is feeling the fear and still going ahead and doing that thing which makes you afraid. There’s no such thing as fearlessness. Everybody, no matter how brave, famous, rich, accomplished, feels fear. Fearlessness is yet another bullshit word we’re being sold so don’t buy it.
Exactly. 🙂
Hi Tara. Beautifully put. To create is to use all of our inner energies so this must include our, fear, uncertainty and self doubt as well as our love and convictions….otherwise we achieve something hollow. It is good to see this written down as it connects up the threads of ideas that have been going round in my head recently!
Glad it connected some dots for you Maggie!
Good post Tara!
Thanks Andy. 🙂
Just getting to this now T. Love what you say here. I so agree.
When i was in my mid 20’s, I read a book called “Feel the fear and do it anyway”, by Susan Jeffers. (What could I be fearing in my mid 20’s?). Probably a life un-lived. Or living someone else’s life but my own. I moved across Canada in my mid 20’s. And i was afraid. I travelled by myself to Europe. Yes, the butterflies in my stomach were as much from excitement as they were from fear. I began freelancing at home after the loss of a job. Yup. Still scary. Those who dare to risk anything in life are more than likely to feel fear at some point. It’s a good thing.
I had that book on tape! Back in the day when cars played tapes I used to listen to it while driving! lol. You’re so right, the fear comes along for the ride but we can still do the things!
Tara-Thank you for this post. I, like so many others, have avoided art because of fear; however, my adult children took the leap for me and enrolled me in an art class. I loved it, even though I was the most “inexperienced” one there. My art made me happy because I did it!!!!! The paint was on the paper and it resembled something!! Now I am enrolled in another class and I look forward to it.
Your post was wonderful. It reminded me of the things that I have feared and faced. I have made a difference, but that inner critic never fails to tell me that I am not enough. My mission is to blot that critic out and struggle on.
So glad to hear you enjoyed it Donna, and that you took the plunge! I think sometimes we just have to do it to prove to ourselves that it’s something that makes us happy, and then when we have that proof the other stuff seems less important.
Nice take! Agree.
Find what feels True – need to honor who we are. Really listen – how one discovers – self – purpose
I love your remarks and the wisdom beneath! (I’m a psychologist, and have already learned things from you that will help both me and my patients). What a great “pulpit” – teaching life while teaching art. Do continue. Re fearlessness: I agree, only possible for psychopaths; perhaps “security” is a better state to aim at.
That made me laugh about the psychopaths! Kind of a good point actually! Thank you for the kind words Alastair.
Several years ago, I read somewhere that you should do something everyday that scares you. For some reason, this idea has stayed with me, (fearful as I am), and has helped me to open up my life in some rewarding and beautiful ways. Now, I can (I hope) begin to apply it to my art — to break away from my tedious, copyist ways — and unleash the creativity and sensitivity I know I’m harboring.
Love that that phrase has helped you in your life Mary! Have to admit I don’t love it myself but we each need different approaches. Whatever works for you is perfect!
Thank you for your thought provoking words Tara. Reflecting back on my first of life’s work (aka career) as an architect, I remember fighting and aiming to overcome fear. I thought that’s what was needed. At times I sensed I had won and thought the energy of the fight was worth it only to find fear raise its head again for the next go round. It was exhausting and not helpful to the creative process.
In my second of life’s work as a pastor fear was with me as well, however I learned to make friends with fear. I knew fear would show up and I’d respond, “Oh, that’s fear. You’re just part of the process so let’s move forward.”
In my latest of my life’s work I took care of my husband for many years until he died. By then fear and I had become good friends which was a helpful because caretaking was so exhausting I had no energy to fight or hardly acknowledge fear. Instead I began to learn from fear (which did crop up from time to time). I learned that fear is not a truly good reason to not do or say something that needs to be done or said. I’ve learned that when we allow fear to get in the way of becoming our true selves, whether that means not starting a project or not caring for another human being, we deprive the world and ourselves of a needed gift. I’ve also learned that making friends with fear can actually spur you on to do and say things you never imagined were possible.
So beautifully and eloquently said Ellen! Thank you for sharing that here. To get to ‘fear as ally’ is truly inspiring.