this is where I write to you from. fairy lights make everything good.
I’ve been feeling lately that I am falling into a weird and slightly uncomfortable hole, which we’ll call ‘being the teacher’, for the sake of clarity.
And I want to talk about it to make something clear, perhaps to myself as much as to you.
It’s true that I make art, I’ve written a book, and I’ve created an ecourse, which has already run one very successful time so far.
It’s also true that this year I have finally found in myself and in the outward elements of my life an alignment which is now allowing me to begin to do what I’ve been dreaming of all along:
to make art, to be creative in all the ways that I am, and to share what I’ve learned so that others might reap the benefits of reconnecting to their artist selves in a way that can potentially earn me a living.
And that is all astonishing and heart expanding and all the good things.
Here comes the icky part.
In stepping up in these ways, in being more visible to more people {and therefore more vulnerable in some ways}, I have somehow put myself in a position of teacher.
I actually don’t want to ~ or perhaps simply don’t feel ready to ~ be called a teacher.
It makes me feel like a fraud, and maybe that’s just my own inner crap to work on and getting down to semantics, but nevertheless it feels uncomfortable, like a coat that I haven’t grown into yet.
Ironically, I am in fact a qualified teacher, of small children. The things I am not are:
- a life coach
- a {formally trained} teacher of adults
- an art teacher
- a creativity coach {although I find myself drawn to that idea so we’ll see about that one}
- or someone who knows everything.
And it’s starting to feel like I either should be one or all of these things, or that I’m giving the impression that I think I am.
While I don’t doubt that what I offer in my ecourse has genuine value from being rooted in years of experience and a natural empathy and compassion that I’m not going to be modest about, I am uncomfortable with the dichotomy created by that.
The one that positions me as some kind of authority.
And because I am also {hopefully} building a little sustainable business around this, that means I need to ‘put myself out there’, so that more people who might be helped and supported by what I do can find me.
And that means things like guest posting on other websites and blogs, learning to use social media for more than just fun sharing, and all the other various means of marketing yourself online.
I love to write as much as I love to paint, so sharing what I learn on my blog has always been fun and easy for me, as was writing the book.
But now I find myself treading on thin ice; how can I create something tangible and income generating if I am not in some way an authority on what I do?
If I’m often feeling fraudulent underneath, how can I bring the best energy to what I do put out there?
Obviously I know some things that a beginner on the artistic or creative path may not know yet. That’s where I can be useful.
But I always see myself as ALONGSIDE, not standing at the front of the classroom dictating. {Possibly partly from my Montessori training.}
So when I write posts or articles about what I know, or create lessons for my course, it’s always from a place of ‘I know this because I’ve been through it, and these are some ideas or solutions that I discovered along the way’.
Not because I am someone who ‘used to experience this and is now perfect so can impart wisdom onto those who haven’t yet reached the dizzy heights of my awesomeness.’
And yet I fear that sometimes I sound like I’m making statements of Ultimate Truth, or becoming someone who hands out the answers as if I have them all.
I have no idea how to not do this {yet}!
I hope that my ‘alongside-ness’ is implicit, but some of what I write sounds bossy and know-it-all to me.
I’m working on it. Daily.
Balancing what I genuinely want to share with what I need to do to grow this little biz feels sometimes very awkward and clumsy.
There’s no neat conclusion to this post. {Thank god! Sometimes the pressure to make one is very annoying!}
I always intend to be honest and transparent; I’m not a machine, I’m still learning many things and always will be, and I hope that what I do and say shows integrity and helps the people who might need it.
But the relief of admitting this, of allowing myself to reveal what may not be evident but has been weighing on me lately, makes me feel able to continue the best way I can.
So thank you for bearing with me while I navigate this new terrain, and I hope that you always find something interesting, inspiring, comforting or useful here.
**********
Edit: A couple of days after writing this, I found an article, by Susan Piver {sadly the link to it no longer works}, who essentially gathered up my awkward unease and transmuted it into something potentially very beautiful. She talked about teaching as transmission. If I needed a sign I was headed in the right direction, that was very timely. And if you come across the article please let me know!
You are so real, so authentic, completely genuine, and a great teacher. A perfect combination to help others.
Blushing, Malini! 🙂 Thank you.
Hi Tara,
I think it’s wonderful how you put yourself out there and express yourself.
Your honesty and authenticity are exactly what a good teacher is made of, whether traditionally trained or not.
(I myself am a formerly certified art teacher with a BS degree from a state college. I left my public education job to heal my sanity!)
Keep doing what you’re doing!
And thank you for the link to Susan Piver. This was timely for me too. I feel as though we are on similar paths in this point in time.
Best to you.
Thank you for such support Joanne; this was quite a vulnerable post and I so appreciate this positive feedback. It seems to be a case of that old chestnut that where we consider our weaknesses to lie, is where we find our strengths! {Or something more articulate than that.}
My dear Tara, you have many qualities of an excellent teacher. But the most important two (at least in my opinion) are: a) you share with us things that you’ve learnt by yourself, you share your own experiences; and b) you’re not pretending to be a super-human, you’re not pretending to know answers to all the questions, you don’t pretend to be above us, quite the opposite – you’re brave enough to share with us your own insecurities, doubts etc., which I find invaluable …. It takes courage to be that kind of a teacher. I know, I know …. it’s in the human nature to find Someone to whom one can look up to and sort of hand his/her own power to this Supreme Being incarnated. 🙂 This is so much easier than finding and then standing in our own power, inherent to each one of us, not only to the “Teacher”. Please, don’t be so severe and demanding on yourself. I admire you deeply for your boldness in being so open and sincere regarding your own creative process. You have no idea about how inspiring this is to me (and not only to me). All the rest is ….. more or less not important. You are not responsible for other people’s perception of yourself and your work. Everyone observes life from their own perspective, and this refers to the word “teacher” as well. Got it? :-)) Thank you so much for being true to your Self – that’s all that matters!
Much love,
Jasna
Jasna, thank you for this! Wow, it always feels good to be validated, and you are generous with your kind words! Thank you. I particularly love your point about being the kind of ‘teacher’ who helps others to stand in their own power ~ that feels so much better on many levels. I am so much more excited by the idea of being a guide to someone finding their own path than suggesting mine is the only one, when in truth it WILL only work for me. It reminds me of that amazing phrase from Rumi {I think?} ~ ‘be a lamp or a lighthouse or a ladder’. I find so much wisdom in your comments here, including the reminder that everyone sees things from their own perspective; something I would do well to integrate properly!
Now I’m blushing because of all that wisdom in my message … :-))))
Oh, I know that feeling! I was even less “qualified” to be a teacher than you, Tara. I accidentally became a hoopdance teacher because I was the only person in my town who could hoopdance, and people wanted to learn. Suddenly, I was an authority on all things hooping. I enjoyed teaching but I also felt like a total fraud.
I’m guessing it was a speedy learning curve Anne-Marie!
More titles we get ourselves stuck on: “teacher”. I’ve always said that I wouldn’t want to be a teacher because I’d never feel expert enough. I just assumed that you’d have to know everything in an area in order to teach it. Forgetting, of course, that it’s impossible to actually know everything. After several years of working with professors, I now know that they don’t know everything either. Thank you for sharing once again Tara. You share so much of yourself with us and have taught me so much, even just by knowing the right question to ask your/myself. xx
It is easy to fall prey to the ‘I must know everything’ thing. I’m so glad you find something useful here; teaching by example is the best way, for me at least. Keeps it real. 😉
When I read your comments about teaching,yet,you have reservations,I see someone who is humble enough to have a heart to learn.I once heard it said:
“It’s so much better to be asked to move forward and be recognized,than for someone to ask you to move backwards ,because our EGO got too big”
I just found the site,I,too am a Creative Encourager…I had no idea how to present myself without coming across arrogant,so I chose a way of extending my hands.
All I want is to allow others,whether it be a tagger,a doodler,a frustrated wannabe who loves arts/crafts but has no clue..I want to plant the seed of possibilities,of experiencing the moment …hey just to let people know ..everyone has hidden untapped potential….
Thank you for the beautiful site.I do multimedia arts/crafts and I am attempting to continue the less noticed crafts.
I have no website but my card is listed:Divine Creations.My joy is birthing dreams.
Have a wonderful day.
Hello linnietea, and thank you for stopping by and leaving your thoughts today! Your words make a lot of sense to me, and I’m so glad you found something you like here. The best way I’ve found to stop the potential ego dominance is to keep bringing it back to the fact that I wish to be of service. And that I’m walking beside, learning as I teach, rather than standing at the front of the classroom looking down my nose at my ‘students’. 🙂 Although I think also that if you recognise the potential to place yourself ‘above’, you are far less likely to do so.
My intent to sending a message was complimentary,yet,I felt that you saw me more as a student than a peer.Being teachable is so important.I only made a comment,I wasn’t signing up for classes.I don’t have a website because most of my clients are seniors,children,or street kids.(most would rather steal the computer than use it,or they never learned how.) Everyone has their life script I find there’s plenty of opportunities I prefer to complement than compete.
Apologies for any misunderstanding! I was simply agreeing with your comment. 🙂
I love your writing style so much and the things that you share (art and life tips) too. I have the exact same {fears? concerns?} when I write. I always have it in my heart when I learn something, this compelling eagerness to share it in hopes of helping someone else or making their life better yet I worry that sometimes I sound like a bossypants “you should do this or that!” So I really related to what you just told us. For me, you don’t come off that way at all though and what you share is very valuable and intriguing and connecting. So happy I found you! ????????
Thank you Col! I know exactly what you mean about not wanting to sound bossy – it’s in both the intention and the language I think. So saying things like “In my experience…” and posing a lot of questions, rather than stating things as though they’re fact all the time. Glad you found something helpful to you here!