I began this painting several months ago. I was SO excited about working on what would be my largest canvas size yet ~ a metre square. The bigger the painting, the more I get to use my whole body in the process of bringing it to life.
I also had this gorgeous vision of what I wanted to paint; a seagull in flight on a rich single coloured background, a bit like my elephant painting of a few months ago.
So I dived in, spreading orange all over the place and large pieces of textured wallpaper and other scraps. I love the physicality of painting on this scale. For a relatively quiet person I make a lot of ‘noise’ when I’m painting! I move a lot and dance about; it’s a real action process.
Then the gesso. I was more or less following the process I used for the Prajna painting. I wanted some of the colour showing through but also for the texture of the collage elements to be a big feature.
Once the gesso was slapped on, I used a few print outs of images of seagulls I’d Googled to give me a feel for the shape; I have taken a large amount of photos myself but could never capture them fast enough or close up enough. I didn’t mind too much about making the perfect seagull; more I just wanted to use the shape to express flight. I watch the seagulls every day here and like to imagine myself flying that high or skimming the surface of the sea; total freedom.
Several months later… it just wasn’t feeling right. The depth was lacking and I didn’t know how to create the vision I’d had, which had faded in energy considerably. So here I am just painting over it, using my spray bottle and smooshing the paint around, with no plan whatsoever. {Bit scary.}
When I say ‘just’, don’t assume that means it was easy! I don’t mind going over old paintings, but I did wonder what the hell I was doing covering up what had been a strong vision with something that had no vision at all. Even at the time of writing, I don’t know what where it’s going. And the whole time I was laying down these colours, the voices were having a field day ripping me and my lack of artistic skills or talent to shreds.
Here’s where it’s at now. I actually like it a lot more since the addition of the neon pink. I’ve never painted with neon colours before, but recently bought a few for ‘research’ purposes, trying out different makes of paint to see what’s good and what I might recommend.
These looping bunting-like shapes are a common feature in my art recently. I don’t know what they mean, but they are lovely to do, so they probably don’t mean anything beyond being a sense experience. And the building-like shapes at the top are derived from the beach huts I see every time I go down to the seafront. I love their multicoloured doors and the way they disappear into the distance.
I honestly don’t know what’s going to happen next, but I’m intrigued to find out! The ecourse has now finished and I naively thought that’d mean more time for things, but it turns out once you start this ball rolling, it changes your whole MO and way of life, so I will need to learn to integrate the painting into my life even more consciously now!
Sometimes even a strong vision isn’t the “right” vision and sometimes it’s hard to let go of that isn’t it? A real visceral struggle. You’re going by instinct now — knowing not why or where or what, just playing. I think that’s a good thing to do when the vision won’t feature into clarity. And maybe…the symbol of the seagull, flying freely over the water is all you wanted — that feeling of being free. I think adding neon pink and other colours over the original image might be exactly what you’ve found. What do you think?
I love that idea Sherry, that the freedom is coming through anyway, just not in the form I originally thought it would!
Aren’t changes a natural part of our life? We’ve been taught that it’s not O.K. to change our mind …. We’ve been told that this would mean that we’re not consistent, serious etc. I don’t believe in these “truths” any more. We’re growing and thus changing all the time.
Speaking for myself: I know that I’m far away from the person I was 3 or 4 months ago. Isn’t that wonderful and exciting? And with these changes also my vision for my drawings/paintings changes … And I came to a point that I don’t want to analyze much when I realize that my painting is going in a direction that I didn’t have in mind a few weeks or months ago when I started it (and then took a pause). I simply allow it to unfold in a way that it wants. I guess that now I’m living much more in the heart and less in my mind. My mind knows only a part of the answer, while my heart or my inner being or spirit or soul (whatever you want to name it) knows that deeper (and sometimes hard-to-put-into-words) part of the answer. For me the best thing to do is to simply allow all parts of the answer come to me in their own time and their own way. Besides, there’s no need to understand everything right away …. And based on how I feel you, dear Tara, this is pretty much similar to your approach toward life and painting …. 🙂 Maybe when the painting will be finished, you’ll give it the title: “Once upon a time there was a seagull …” 🙂 I wish you much joy with the whole process …. Love, Jasna
Hi Jasna, thank you for taking the time to leave such a considered and heartfelt response. Agreed, we and our creations are constantly evolving; strangely my paintings are the one area of my life I have very little problem letting go! ‘My mind knows only a part of the answer’ ~ I love that, it feels so true and also so liberating; there is always more in this infinite universe, always possibility for evolution. Love your suggested title too. 🙂