So if you follow me on Instagram, you may have noticed me whining a lot around the end of last year about how there wasn’t any painting happening.
The dam broke suddenly, in January, but it took two and a half months {!} for that particular cycle to come around, and to be honest I had moments when I secretly started wondering if my painting days were actually over. Call me dramatic, but if you’re a painter you likely know what I’m talking about. 😉
And for sure, creativity happens in cycles. I’ve talked about this a million times. I’m even pretty in touch with my own cycles. There was something about this one though that felt a little different.
I’m accustomed to an intense all or nothing approach to painting. Before I left for my hermit retreat in November I did two complete paintings over a couple of days, which had a familiar characteristic of seeming to come out of nowhere. And that’s where my painting impulse went straight back to as soon as they were done.
For ten weeks.
I don’t think the cycle normally takes that long to come back around. I’m by no means a daily painter, {sometimes wish I was but there it is}, and any time I’m not painting I’m doing something else creative so it’s not like there’s nothing in between.
But the painting has a special quality for me and after a certain period without it I start to go a bit crazy. It begins to feel like pressure is building up and for my own sanity will need to be released asap.
I’ve talked before about wanting to make art and just not, and there are plenty of things we can do to encourage the muse to make an appearance.
What can be frustrating is that just as there isn’t a one-size-fits-all-people solution, there isn’t a one-size-fits-every-painting-drought solution.
Sometimes going into the studio and doing a bit of tidying can be all you need to start the flow.
Sometimes that just makes you feel worse.
And then sometimes it’s something more nebulous than the usual fears and blocks. Something it’s not so easy to label or put words to. I had a think about this and what it all means after a day of intense painting with four new pieces started and two {possibly three} completed.
Why could I not just get in the studio before that? How could I want something so much, actually feel like I needed it and was suffering without it, and still not do it?
It had to be more than procrastination.
This is what I discovered. Perhaps there is some truth in it for you too. I found it most likely means a combination of three things:
- A new phase of my art is coming but it isn’t – or I’m not – quite ready for it to be released yet.
- Things are percolating. I am constantly absorbing ideas and inspiration, including subconsciously, and it needs to be filed away in my internal library, with cross referencing and categorisation, so that what I need can come forward when the time is right.
- Another creative project is taking up most of the bandwidth, and painting requires a certain state {for me} which needs less other stuff going on simultaneously.
Maybe this sounds weird. Maybe it makes perfect sense. I can say for sure though that when I started painting that day, all these points became extremely obvious. I’m not sure how articulately I can explain why but I’ll give it a go.
I’ve lived near the sea for years now, and have never been inspired to paint it. It’s absolutely true that the sea inspires me, but it’s never been in a direct real-thing-to-canvas way. The couple of times I’ve tried, just to see, have only confirmed that for me. These new paintings opened a door to bringing the sea into my art. They are not ‘of the sea’ per se, but they bring together my feelings and impressions {and the colour palette – yay!}. Suddenly I found that something I’d wanted for a long time was happening. Which brings us to number two.
In all this time, over the years, and more recently the weeks of not painting, something has been going on beneath the surface. I’m always consciously open to inspiration, whether that’s from Pinterest, stumbling on the work of artists that speaks to me, reading something, hearing something, being down by the sea, taking photos, or ideas that just swim by and I happen to catch them.
Fragments, ideas, dreams, feelings, they’ve all been integrating into my inner library system. {I’d say this is true for all of us, whether we’re conscious of it as part of our process or not.}
The thing about that is they can’t be forced. Encouraged, yes, but not forced. If they’re not ready to emerge, they’re just not, and it’s in my best interests {unless I want to go a little bit crazy, feel constantly nagged and start panicking about not being able to paint any more} to be patient and get my creative kicks elsewhere while I wait.
No one ever said process was all smooth sailing! {Or if they did, they lied.}
These new paintings, when they came, were accompanied by not just relief and joy, but a rush of excitement. Suddenly my brush was describing in shape and colour something that is so close to my heart it feels like a part of me. A life dream, or a set of pictures of one, I carry in my head and heart all the time. I’m not into making things precious and it’s not a secret, but the details of this I need to keep just for myself, at least for now.
Suffice to say, as I was painting I was feeling that not only was I finally making the paintings I’ve wanted to make for a very long time, but it felt like that dream was coming closer because of it. I wasn’t ready before, as a painter or within myself, for this kind of painting or the life dream they conjure up, and this is the first real indication I’ve had that it’s truly possible. That’s huge to me.
What’s all this got to do with you?
So what I’m really saying is, if you’re wandering in a desert of no painting and feeling parched and like a part of you is missing, and you simply can’t understand why you can’t just get in there and do something, consider that there’s a very good reason for this. One that your heart probably knows and your head certainly doesn’t, in spite of its various agendas.
Perhaps you are percolating and your inner librarian is working overtime to get things in order so when the time comes you’ll have everything you need to hand. In the meantime there are all sorts of ways in, some of which you can find here. And I bet that when the time comes, you’ll find it will have been worth the wait.
Oh my goodness, yes! So awesome to hear that another artist experiences this same cycle. And it is *so* hard to wait until the ideas are ready to come out when you’re itching to put brush to canvas. I have struggled with this for years. I’m actually in a several YEAR long dry spell for painting; I’ve been working with wire in the meantime, but am missing painting more and more. But it’s not the right time yet.
BTW, hi! Just discovered your blog, and am looking forward to reading through the archives.
Hi Heather, welcome! I don’t see this talked about much either. There’s a lot of ‘get in the studio every day’, ‘establish a practice’ etc, but I knew it couldn’t just be me that doesn’t benefit from forcing it when the cycle hasn’t turned yet.
This is such a great post! I’ve spent many years tuning into my intuition and am pretty adept at knowing when it’s truly intuition speaking. It doesn’t mean my ego doesn’t become frustrated though! I’m in your Oracle Card class and inspiration just isn’t with me, but there is no sinking feeling or need to rush, it just feels right to move along and observe patiently, and this post today really confirmed that for me. Thank you for listening to your own intuition by writing and sharing this.
I’m glad it was helpful Melanie! Sounds like you’re on track. 🙂
Wonderful blog post Tara 🙂 I am looking forward to your new phase.
Thanks Andy! Am building up maybe my first ever {albeit unintentional} series! lol.
Wonderful post! Thanks Tara for putting my thoughts in print. 😉
Although I agree with your reasoning I have to say though that keeping in touch with the creative process of painting is necessary for me. I hadn’t held a brush in almost 4 years, and coming back to painting took a while. It felt like I had lost contact with my painting self and it didn’t get any easier with time, despite the fact that I was doing other creative things instead. So yes, don’t rush, but don’t let go for long periods of time either. The longer the wait, the harder it is to come back. Even if no great art comes out of your brushes, pencils you name it, it’s still important to have some kind of regularity in my painting.
My two pennies worth… 🙂
Hi Gina – that makes total sense to me. It’s a fine line between honouring the cycle and letting go for so long that ‘coming back’ starts to look like an un-climb-able mountain! Thank you for leaving your two pennies’ worth! It’s great to welcome different perspectives here. 🙂
yes!! i totally understand! encouraged but not forced. i love how you shared this and 100% can related. i was away from painting for a few while with other projects taking up the space required to make paintings and over the past few years since i have been back to regular painting it is such a relief!! thank you for sharing. i am so glad it’s not just me who needs that space to create! i feel so silly sometimes, & it’s so hard to explain, how there has to be the right space in your head and life to really get creative and be able to try new things! when i came back i really had a new style too! that break, even though it kinda wasn’t toally my decision, was just the thing i needed!
Yes I feel the same relief Kelly! I’ve never heard anyone else talk about needing that certain kind of inner space and bandwidth to paint so am glad it makes sense to you too! How interesting that your process was so similar, right down to a new style of work after the break. Thanks so much for stopping by! {And happy to be doing Spectrum with you. 🙂 }
I used to think I was a “fake artist” because of this. My production (ugh, hate that word) is very poor. At times I went a whole year, even more, without painting at all. That’s a really long time to be “percolating”. And it’s not like what came after that period was suddenly “the answer”, or that the wait made any sense.
I still haven’t found why I paint, and why I don’t paint at any given moment. If there is a rhythm to it, it’s very complex and I can’t recognize it.
If I wait until I’m inspired, I’ll wait a very, very long time.
If I wait until I have the mental, emotional and physical bandwidth, I’ll wait until I’m retired.
This is frustrating, and other than kicking myself in the pants and just painting whatever, I don’t know of a different way to end this waiting game.
I can definitely relate to the fake artist feeling Nela! In the end I decided that whatever my process, that’s how I make art, and since forcing is pointless it serves me to fall in with that rhythm, even if sometimes it feels ‘wrong’. Otherwise I’m constantly questioning, doubting, and fighting myself, and that feels even worse! I try to notice patterns and little twinges and see if it’s just a bit of resistance that might actually be easily overcome, or an actual pause. Not always easy! I wish I could offer you some kind of solution!
Hey! I’m new to this experience and I am not yet a professional artist( not even close). It’s just that I had board exams earlier this year so I took a break from painting for like 2 months and after the exams, I promised myself that I’m gonna paint my heart out but it turned out to be a totally different ride. With the Corona virus pandemic, me and my parents are forced to stay indoors which I thought at first was very good since I would have all the time in the world to paint but it is just the opposite. My mom is a teacher and so she doesn’t stay at home much and we all are not quite used to each other’s presence all the time so it’s hard for everyone and we all are a bit cranky. I get scolded by ma every single day(almost) for not painting and I feel so miserably guilty that I can’t . But I don’t feel like I can do anything about it and if I give myself more time then probably my school will start by the time I start painting and I won’t have as much time. I feel like I might never be able to paint again and I had my dreams planned to try to become a professional artist someday but that seems so distant and painting seems like something I used to do at one point of time but I might never ever be able to do again. I feel hollow and have no visions,my mind is blank and although I am possibly the only person who can get myself out of this situation, I feel like I’m helpless. I am starting to feel really depressed and like I no longer have any purpose in life. Please help me. I felt really vulnerable reading this post and can totally relate to it. But unlike you, I don’t feel like I will find a way out. I see my friends improving on their artwork and it really kills me to see how uselessly I spend my time. I desperately need your advise on this. It has been a total of about 3 months (after my exams till today) that I have left my paintbrush untouched.
Hi Srija – firstly I’m so sorry to hear you’re struggling so much. I don’t know if it helps to know you’re really not alone with this. So many people are now stuck at home in different situations and closer quarters than they’re used to. So many artists I’ve spoken to have struggled with both the close proximity and the world events – it’s not surprising at all that it has an impact on your motivation and desire to make art. On top of that, you just finished exams – a sustained period of study and pressure which inevitably would need a pause after to rest and rejuvenate. I think a lot of the time we don’t give ourselves the space and time we need to recover from things like exams, or the unexpectedly high amount of self care needed to stay sane in difficult times, which right now are quite literally global. I certainly haven’t been, and have had to take some difficult steps to recalibrate, be kinder to myself, and do what is necessary to look after my mental health. And sometimes that means not putting the extra pressure on myself to be creative. When we’re in survival mode, creativity is one of the first things to go, and that’s normal. Once we have a better handle on our basic needs – food, shelter, etc – we can turn to art as a support and a means of self expression, not an obligation.
I know from deep personal experience how awful it feels not to be able to paint, how the pressure can make it worse, and how it feels like you’ll never get past this struggle. I promise that it’s possible, no matter how dark it feels right now. It might sound counter intuitive, but what if you just let yourself NOT do it for a little while? There are all sorts of creative things you can do that aren’t painting, from cooking to crafts to writing etc. I often find the best way back to my art is to stop trying to force myself to do it and do something else altogether for a while.
You just finished exams – it’s ok not to be jumping straight into how to be a professional artist immediately. Many artists have gone months and even years without painting, but it’s always possible to get it back. Just take good care of yourself first, you can’t run on empty. Hope this helps.
I really love how you’ve turned this into a positive feeling, instead of panicking. I recently went through an episode like this – then suddenly I went crazy with ideas and, like you, suddenly created 4 paintings in two days. I guess thats just the way artists are. ????
Wow Katie, I always think of you as a constant and prolific painter! How interesting that there’s such a similar pattern here. And I agree, just accepting it makes it all easier to navigate!
I stumbled upon this blog by accident! It fits me to a tee!! there are times I want to paint so bad but when I try your force it, it turns into a hot mess!!! Thus, I become frustrated and angry at myself for not getting it right or the way I feel it should come out!! I call it “me not being in the zone”. I know I want to paint but there is something in my energy that is just not connecting!! It’s amazing that I’m not the only one this happens to. I’m rather OCD when it comes to my paintings!!???????? I begin to wonder if I still remember the techniques I’ve learned and developed during this dry spell or this run of self-doubt!! But when I DO get in “the zone” it’s all good! I ABSOLUTELY LOVE TO PAINT!! and I love doing charcoal and pencil art.
So glad you’ve found inspiration here! You’re definitely not alone. 🙂
Wonderful and encouraging. I have felt that I am not a real artist because I go for so long on one hand not feeling like painting and on the other, almost craving for it. It’s like we have creative seeds within us that have to do their thing before bursting forth. Thanks for such an encouraging blog.
So happy to hear you took encouragement from it Heather!
I too go through these cycles. I paint when the urge hits me, be it 3:00p.m. or a.m. If the urge or impulse isn’t there, my paintings look like someone else with no talent at all did them. My cycles also are in what and how, I paint, as well as my choice of colors.
It does become a much easier process when you just embrace the cycles! 🙂
Encouragement! Finally. I always think I am the only one this happens to, which makes me feel inadequate as an artist. My muse has been gone 5 years. During this time I would occasionally pick up a paintbrush and give it a try. I would sit there in front of a canvas and just stare at it for awhile and then give up. I was sure my painting days were over. My family would compliment me and wonder why I suddenly stopped painting. As with most of your bloggers, I did other kinds of artwork. Reading your blog gave me vindication and encouragement. I am not the only one this happens to!
Just recently my children have redesigned the space in my studio (a second bedroom in our apartment) and given me a gift of new paintbrushes and canvasses.
Their encouragement for me to start painting again. I painted my granddaughter for Christmas. It was her special request. I was happy with the result.
I have to work with being the caregiver to my husband of 51 years. He is 79 and wheelchair bound and I am 75 and have Fibromyalgia. But we manage. Reading your blogs was the best encouragement. Not that I wish the absense of our muses on anyone. It’s just a surprise that it happens to other artist. Thank you for your blogs.
I hope we all keep in touch.
From what I’ve observed over the years, often we do just need to hear ‘me too’. Sounds like a wonderful gift your children have given you! So glad you found something helpful here Kathryn.
Tara, I’ve always said that the only time I paint is when I’m in the mood and when I step away from painting, I fall back in love with a new sewing project, then, the tide turns again and I’m painting what I want to… I’ve never thought of it as a cycle thing, your thoughts have made me realize, that it is just that, cycles. I’ve called it, ” When I’m in the mood” for so long, but, clearly it’s just cycles as you have described. Thanks
That’s so cool that you recognise here what you’re already experiencing in your creativity! I think once we get that it’s cyclical, it makes everything much easier.
I’m going through that patch right now. That’s why I am reading everything you have written! Vulnerable, honest and refreshing! Makes me feel not alone.
Thank you Tara!
So glad to hear that Karen! 🙂
Oh my gosh, I’ve just made a comment on another of your post saying the same in part only to realise it’s an old post like this one but both so relevant to me at this moment!
I’ve been drawn here because I’ve just signed up for your 21 day free challenge and am looking for some connection to inspire me while also commiting to my art and to get on track in 2018!
Thank you Tara I don’t feel so isolated after reading this
Thank you! I’m normal! My process is normal! You have no idea how much I needed to hear this !!
So glad you took something helpful from it Kelly-Marie!
I know that I’m coming in on this blog late in the game, but I’ve found that I relate a lot to you, Tara. Sometimes I feel like the only way I can get my creativity going is when I’ve missed my important depression medication, or my blood sugar is on its way down because I haven’t eaten (this happens too much, especially since I’ve been scary low before). I’m feeling really inspired today, and I started taping off a part of a piece so I can fix the background. Of course, this all started as my blood sugar cane down too. But I love this post! I’m so glad to know I’m not alone in having times of barren art
Lovely to hear you’ve found something helpful here Katie! Definitely not alone. 🙂
Now don’t feel alone as at the moment trying to do caregiving to my mom, not well myself & enjoy painting w acrylics but don’t even feel like doing it & started thinking should just give it up! Now feel anyone under this much stress & health issues if can paint even a lil bit try when can. Tyvm
Glad it was helpful for you Paula!