There is no art and no inclination to do any. Actually that’s not strictly true; there’s a faint yearning and a half finished painting, but the feeling of creative deadness is bigger. That’s ok, I know how it goes. I started this painting below and have stalled; I know what I want to do but the feeling of unreadiness to do it overwhelms me just now.
But I have been feeling so disconnected from the {my?} light recently, and last week felt like it was taking huge chunks out of me {in retrospect it probably was and I’m hoping they were chunks I simply no longer need}, you would think some creative activity might be quite healing. I know that for some of us, difficult times are good opportunities to express ourselves creatively; for me I find it just dies away.
Mind you, I have been cooking quite a bit {and now there is banana and walnut loaf to cheer me up}, spending time squishing my little niece
and nephew,
reading, thinking, journalling, so I guess Ariadne’s thread is still running through, helping me find my way back. Sometimes you just have to do what comes up in the moment to survive to the next moment.
I’ve noticed there’s a lot of talk on blogs lately about showing more of our dark sides, that some people feel it’s inauthentic {an overused word if ever there was one} to only put happy things on your blog and therefore must redress the balance by revealing some of their less joyful things; I understand that some people’s lives look almost unreal-ly perfect if their blogs are anything to go by, but your blog is your own space to do what you please with, no? If I find you annoying because your life looks so perfect, doesn’t that say more about me than it does about you? And things are pretty much never what they seem. It kind of cracks me up actually that there should be any kind of rule about what is and is not ok regarding self expression.
I tend to keep stuff back because I don’t feel it’s relevant or it’s just too private to share, and I generally like my blog to be a place that both I and others can come to and find something sunshiney. That doesn’t mean I don’t have shitty times that I don’t tell you about. Sometimes though I know that I am not alone in going through something, and I also know the comfort that can be derived from another’s experience.
I wrote the following the other day; I was in a bad place and needed comfort. It served as a reminder to myself, but quite clearly it’s for all of us. It’s nothing new but perhaps it will be useful for you today.
When we think we don’t know what to do about something, the answers ARE there, within us. There is no need to search, to ask others, or to look anywhere outside of ourselves, because all we need is already within us. How could it not be, when all is one and spirit is everywhere? We ARE spirit. We only think we don’t know because our minds tell us so. Our minds tell us stories about who we are and are not, what we can and can’t do, be or have. In truth, it is all there already. We don’t even need to get caught up in the ‘how’. Ask and it is given. Just ask and listen, and you WILL be guided. You cannot make a mistake for there are no mistakes. Sit in faith. Let go of why and how. Follow the path of what feels good in the moment, and you will ‘reach’ where you have been all along, you just didn’t see it. Trust yourself; you have the answers. Even if you mind struggles to believe that, it is still true.
Like Rumi says “Do not feel lonely; the entire universe is inside you.” It’s all in there. 
You are ALREADY the things you seek.
PS. I feel almost certain I’ve written a post identical to this before; either an extreme case of deja vu or I’m getting repetitive in my old age. I can’t be arsed to go back through the archives and check, so I’m going with the deja vu theory. Besides which, you can never over-repeat wisdom, right?
