That’s actually the name of one of my favourite Jason Mraz songs, but it’s fitting. D and I are taking a time out; it’s not what I want although I guess on some level it must be, but the fact is I am very very sad right now. I am getting on with my life, I am ok, I still laugh and dance and continue my love affair with the beach, but there’s a big lump of sad trailing around behind me just now.

I don’t know what will happen, I can only hold a space for Something Wonderful, even if that doesn’t ultimately look like what I right now hope it might. I’m doing a lot of thinking too, and some ideas for paintings are percolating and will be show-and-telled when they come into being, but for now, I can’t {and don’t want to} pretend I am not sad.

There are so many complicated {and yet somehow simple} feelings when you part ways with someone; someone said to me it is a grieving process even though no one has died. I guess the thing that died was the potential of the future you saw growing. It’s not that now there is no future of course, only it doesn’t look like what you thought, and even though I have faith that everything happens for a reason, and that whatever comes next can only be magnificent, there is no point pretending to myself that I am only excited about that. That I don’t have fear and sorrow, confusion and even some anger. To not honour those would be to deny them and have to deal with them later anyway.

I wasn’t going to say any of this. I am not asking for sympathy {although I take my comfort where I can find it!}; I know there is nothing to say. It is a part of my life though and I guess it wanted to be said. And I also know that there are many many many of us {human beans} who are being buffeted about these days. If it’s not 2012 stuff it’s planetary alignments or solar or lunar eclipses, or just weird energy that brings change out of nowhere and smacks us upside the head repeatedly in a variety of imaginative ways.

And so if shitty or difficult or sad things are happening to you or your loved ones, I send you enormous beams of love and endless streams of miracles. I send you big spaces where you can breathe deeply and feel peace, enormous reserves of strength within you and big swathes of hugs to support you. May your light shine brightly and bring healing to all you come across, starting with you.

{And if you don’t need it right now, maybe that message is for me after all.}