healing

May 21, 2013 by Tara 1 Comment

There is what you might call an abundance of chat out there about gratitude and abundance. Sometimes it makes me want to punch people. Being grateful can sometimes seem so effing tedious and meaningless.

Obviously when I feel like that is exactly when I need to be finding things to be grateful for and noticing the abundance in my life the most, but sometimes, you know, just NO.

One thing you might think about taking a retreat from your own life and the usual people who populate it is that you would have heaps of time to waft about appreciating stuff.

That’s proving to be at least half true. I do have a lot of time. I spent maybe 98% of my time alone, most of that in silence {unless I’m watching Netflix}, and not having a nine to five means I can structure my days as I choose. I’m very rarely doing nothing at all but I’m working on that.

I know; dream, right? Well yes and no. It’s coming up for two months of living like this and I’m not gonna lie, a large percentage of those two months has been pretty hideous. Creating a space by removing everything that usually fills it means that everything is going to come up into that space for healing. Everything.

Memories you haven’t thought about in years, old wounds and heartbreaks, conditioning and programming that has been running your life without your conscious knowledge, patterns you don’t know how to begin to dissolve, behaviours you just can’t seem to stop, fear and grief, and let’s not even talk about how ex boyfriends suddenly start contacting you out of nowhere.

It’s intense, painful, frustrating, difficult, lonely, boring, seemingly relentlessly unchanging, and a whole bunch of other fun stuff.

HOWEVER.

This is in no way a complaint; I chose this. In a sense I was backed into a corner; the work I’d been doing with Tai Chi, Reiki, and consciously taking steps to becoming more of who I really am took me to a point where living as I always had suddenly became literally unbearable. Hence the time out.

It’s like Real Me stopped whispering and started shouting. So I kind of had to listen. I did choose this but I also couldn’t have carried on as things were without probably having some kind of breakdown. And now of course I can never go back. Not that I’d want to, but walking this path is a strange combination of desire and necessity and knowing there is No Other Way for you to live now. Even though you don’t know what is the way you’re going to live, who you’re going to be. There’s this big old space.

So yeah, getting a bit intense there. Another thing I’m finding on this trip is that words are becoming less and less useful to accurately describe things. It’s like they only stretch so far in their meanings and then there’s this gap before the full extent of their meanings becomes known and understood and experienced.

My point is, {yes, sorry, I forgot there was one for a moment there}, gratitude has not been my favourite tool while all this has been going on, despite knowing full well it is actually an awesome tool for bringing more of the good stuff into your life. Where the mind goes, energy flows.

And then something shifted.

It all feels very fragile and slippery, as if even talking about it might scare it away, but I feel it; something inside me has just moved. And although I’m well aware that appreciating the abundance of goodness in one’s life is much easier when one feels good already, I’m also finding a depth to each little thing that wasn’t there before.

So here is what’s good in a whole new way:

* Waking unexpectedly at 5am and going to the beach before anyone else. The quiet, the waves lapping, the blue sky; it was like being abroad on holiday and going down to the beach before the tourists get there.

* Treating myself to a hammock chair that hangs from a pole for my roof garden. I can curl up in it and swing and look at the sky and my plants and imagine anything I like. Which is mainly how I’m going to revamp the roof garden at the moment.

* Greek yoghurt with honey and blueberries. Cold and smooth and crunchy.

* My azalea plant that has busted out some serious magenta blooms; just a quick look gives me a happy.

* A bluetit that landed on the railing; tiny and quick and so perfectly blue and yellow. Birds don’t tend to land on the roof garden because I’m there so much. I gasped and clapped like a child.

* Leaving some extra baking I’d made on a friend’s doorstep and her genuine delight in receiving it without needing anything further from me {she understands I’m still on retreat. Doesn’t mean I can’t share though}.

* Meandering along the shoreline picking up treasures; a piece of sea glass, a heart stone, a glimmering shell.

* Just sitting.

All these little things, suddenly not just a list but genuinely rich moments, like a really good chocolate mousse that has depth to it.

I’m changing on the inside; there’s no point even trying to say how but it’s happening. Maybe I just needed to note this down to refer to in the event of a slip. I’ve made my peace with this retreat perhaps lasting many months more than I’d initially imagined, and maybe that’s allowed me to begin to relax into what is. There is a lot of letting go, a lot of acceptance, a lot of being present required. And at last, the continuous daily practise ~ the seed that seemed like it was never going to sprout ~ is starting to become a lived experience. So yeah, I’m grateful.

***********************

Edit:

I just found this quote and it feels very appropriate ~

“Sorrow prepares you for joy. It violently sweeps everything out of your house, so that new joy can find space to enter. It shakes the yellow leaves from the bough of your heart, so that fresh, green leaves can grow in their place. It pulls up the rotten roots, so that new roots hidden beneath have room to grow. Whatever sorrow shakes from your heart, far better things will take their place.” - Rumi

Filed Under: healing, journey, the beach Tagged With: abundance, gratitude

April 16, 2013 by Tara 6 Comments

You must learn one thing:
the world was made to be free in.

Give up all the other worlds
except the one to which you belong.

Sometimes it takes darkness and the sweet
confinement of your aloneness
to learn

anything or anyone
that does not bring you alive

is too small for you.

David Whyte

From his poem ‘Sweet Darkness’

As some of you may know, I recently took an enormous step back from my day to day life. It is hard to explain the why of it in words ~ they seem so inadequate these days ~ perhaps it is enough to say that the caterpillar reached the end point of her caterpillar life, and arrived at the place from which she had no choice but to retreat into her cocoon to be transformed into a butterfly.

Since I am writing this from within the cocoon, I can make no grand statements about my transformation. As you know, inside the cocoon the caterpillar actually disintegrates into mush before rebuilding herself to be the beautiful butterfly she will become. So I speak as mush right now.

For three weeks, {and I don’t know how many more to come,} I have not seen or spoken to anyone except Jeanne {my mentor/teacher/healer} and the grocery delivery guy or other people in a service capacity. No friends, no family, nothing social, no phone calls, no texting; I’ve barely left the house except to go to the beach or my weekly visit to Jeanne.

My world has decreased in size until I can list on the fingers of one hand what I do each day. It is bliss. That doesn’t mean I don’t care about my friends and family. It really is a case of ‘no to everyone else is a yes to me’ right now. It might be the first real yes I’ve said to myself my whole life. And yes it was totally terrifying to say it.

Generally it is an interesting ~ and extremely quiet ~ ride, externally. Some days it’s intense as all hell, and I wonder what I’m doing and why and if it will ever end. The thing about creating space is that things come up to fill it.

First, everything you don’t want. If you’re going to heal you must expect the crap to come out. You can’t live with your basement full of clutter and expect the light filling the rest of the house to be enough. You’ll just keep being reminded of what’s down there. It’s all or nothing.

So I invented what I call ‘Yin Days’. I’m sure I don’t need to explain what I mean by that, but just to be clear; yang energy is dynamic and active ~ it’s the ‘doing’ energy. Yin energy is the magnetic, soft ‘being’ energy.

Most of us are very good at the yang ~ the achieving, the deadlines, the Getting Things Done. When it comes to the yin, many of us are less aware of what that really means. I’m learning that it doesn’t mean slumping in front of the tv, or lying in bed all day, although both those things can be just what we need sometimes. But it’s not yin if your mind is racing and your heart is pounding with anxiety.

Since my days currently are truly mine to craft as I will, I am redefining everything, one tiny tiny step at a time. From the way I get up in the morning to the way I empty the dishwasher, everything becomes a reflection and cultivation of the way I wish to live my life, which at the base of it all is in a state of peace.

Yin Days allow me to absorb and reflect. On Yin Days I purposely make no lists, have no ‘to dos’. I wake up with no agenda, no plan. I do whatever I feel like. If I don’t know what that is, I wait until I do. I will literally sit down and wait. I spend hours just gazing out the window. I enjoy silence all day long if I choose.

I’m learning that I need very little to enjoy myself. I was shocked to learn I don’t need company. I can go days without seeing or speaking to anyone; in fact just now I prefer it. Give me some art supplies, books, a journal and pen, and an internet connection so I can watch movies or look at things that interest me, some food in the fridge and my bed, and I’m happy.

There was a huge amount of guilt at first. How could I be so selfish and unsociable, and who actually lives like this? It’s not ‘realistic’! {That’s a good one.} Funnily enough I keep hearing and reading about others who are retreating themselves at the moment. While the planet shifts and adjusts herself to her new frequency, we find we are needing to do the same, and it isn’t always comfortable or easy.

I recommend Yin Days; it’s likely that you might benefit from a few of them in your own life, even if a full on retreat from the world isn’t possible right now. I thought I would list a few of the things I do ~ and don’t do ~ that make them a soft and pleasurable place to go to get to know myself better.

Try any or all of these {remember, god is in the details ~ nothing is too small}:

* waking up without an alarm, when your body is ready

* moving slowly

* asking yourself, ‘How do I feel? What would I like?’ Then actually waiting for the answers to rise in you.

* noticing how you do things; how do you usually make tea? Is there a way to do it that would be softer, more calming and restful?

* sitting. No book, no magazine, no tv, no music, just sitting. If you have a lovely view to gaze upon, so much the better.

* eat when you feel hungry, not when it’s a ‘designated’ time for a meal

* every time you think of it, take a deep, slow breath

* go barefoot

* do things that really give you joy, whether that’s knitting, drawing, rearranging your furniture, cooking, or lying on the floor for a bit

* play with the way you do things; if you ‘normally’ do something a certain way, see what happens if you do it a different way, or not at all

* do things that seem pointless or a bit silly; paint your nails all different colours, arrange your books into a rainbow on the shelf

* meditating is of course the perfect yin activity, but this isn’t necessarily beneficial if you aren’t used to it and find it stressful. But anything quiet and still is good.

* notice tiny details

* going to bed really early with a book or your journal. If you have fairy lights in your bedroom, just lie and watch them for a bit.

* talk to yourself. Ask yourself what you like, what does and doesn’t feel good to you, how you might adjust the details of your day to day life to be more comfortable and enjoy more flow.

I recommend not doing the following:

* checking the time

* rushing through anything

* listening to the voice that says you ‘should’, ‘shouldn’t', or that ‘this is silly’.

* continuing with something if it doesn’t feel good. This is ONLY about doing what feels good in the moment.

* speaking a lot

* thinking ahead {or hanging around in the past in your head}

* having anything on loud

Ultimately, knowing who we really are is the only place worth coming from, the only place from which we can truly offer something that is of value to everyone. Sometimes what seems selfish is in fact for the highest good of all. Most of us want to be of service in some way, and we all have these amazing unique gifts to offer. But if we are not giving anything to ourselves and filling our own well, which we do by knowing ourselves through and through, nothing we give will be worth having, and we will feel depleted.

I really encourage you to try a Yin Day. Or even just a Yin Hour if a day isn’t possible right now. You are worth your own attention. If you have any questions, or think I’m insane, or have any more ideas about ways to approach a Yin Day, I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.

Love is the capacity to take care, to protect, to nourish. If you are not capable of generating that kind of energy toward yourself – if you are not capable of taking care of yourself, of nourishing yourself, of protecting yourself – it is very difficult to take care of another person… Love is a practice. Love is truly a practice.   Thich Nhat Hanh

Filed Under: healing, journey Tagged With: retreating, yin days

February 10, 2013 by Tara 6 Comments

You may recall I mentioned I was participating in Vivienne McMaster’s Be Your Own Beloved online self portrait photography class throughout February.

A combination of a recently thoroughly broken heart, a growing realization of the real need to start caring for and getting to know myself better, and a desire to have something positive and creative to focus on led me to sign up.

These are my photos from the first week. Viv sends us an email every day with a theme to explore through our lens, whether that’s a phone or a hardcore DSLR or anything in between.

All the themes are centred around, of course, the concept of self care and self love. I know from taking Wading In a couple of years back how healing and also how fun self portraiture can be.

It also helps to have programmes like PicMonkey and PixlrExpress available to make your photos all super enhanced.

So far it’s been fun and also challenging. Sometimes it can be quite vulnerable-making, but the support and encouragement within the Flickr group is so heart warming.

Not to mention inspiring; there are so many wonderful and imaginative interpretations of the prompts, it’s a real joy to visit when I upload my own photos.

I will do a weekly round up for each week of February. I know it’s not painting ~ that is happening too but is all in progress at the moment ~ but I like to keep a record of all my creative doings. I’m also working on getting my book published by my birthday {21st}, so most of my energy is going in that direction at the moment. Exciting and frustrating in equal measure. And wait til you see the cover! {more on that to come}

Filed Under: healing, online classes, photography, self-portraits Tagged With: be your own beloved, self portrait photography

January 15, 2013 by Tara 4 Comments

I’ve been dying to have these shots in my library. There are only two so far but they show the manifestation of a dream I’ve had since being a teenager, and a more specific concept I started developing last year.

If you swing by here fairly regularly, you’ll know by now about my Creative Spark Sessions. The idea is to offer a safe, supportive, inspiring space for anyone to come and explore their creativity without fear of judgement.

There are many workshops and classes out there that teach you how to do something, but I have not yet come across any that just let you play freely and choose your own direction and focus. A place with no planned outcome, no grades, where you can play on your own or with others as suits you best.

I have time, glorious studio space, materials, experience, empathy and a strong desire to be of service. I have wanted to offer something creative, healing and of value to others most of my life, but I never knew how. I don’t know where this is leading but I know this is the most perfect manifestation of that desire up to this point.

I have a process for introducing the concept and getting someone started, but there’s very little actual structure; the session is directed by the choices of the participants. There is no good or bad, and whether or not you can draw an accurate likeness of something is not relevant.

Everything is set up so that people can feel comfortable and safe to express themselves creatively with freedom and confidence. I am running ‘guinea pig’ sessions all this week and so far the feedback has been fantastically positive. It seems people are crying out for this, even if they didn’t know that before I told them about it!

People want to return home to themselves, they want to explore their creativity ~ even when they are not convinced they have any; that’s how strongly it burns inside ~ and I’m learning so much from each person and each session about what is required and how to evolve the experience so each person receives what they need.

It is a total honour to have the opportunity to do this. It is an opportunity not just for me to give, but also to practice everything I’ve learned on my path about love and service and healing. I am so grateful to my guinea pigs and to all the strands that came together to allow me to be here at this point in my life.

If you have any thoughts or questions, please get in touch! I see my role as just an element of a continually evolving process, and anything I can learn and integrate will contribute to making it a better experience for everyone courageous enough to come through my door. And if you or someone you know might benefit, please forward them this post or the link to the web page, or share it on social media or any other way you like.

Thank you!

Filed Under: creative spark sessions, creativity, healing Tagged With: creative spark sessions

January 14, 2013 by Tara 10 Comments

{This would be my third edition of this post as every time I press publish it disappears. I will not be beaten by technology though and you WILL read this. Ha. And for what it’s worth, I think it’s the best version. The third one’s the charm.}

***********

I’m reading Broken Open {How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow} by Elizabeth Lesser.

I’ve barely started and already it’s amazing. {Not my most articulate or compelling book review ever, admittedly.} Something that really struck a chord with me was the chapter on the Open Secret.

I’ve always felt uncomfortable with that whole social practice of ‘how are you?’, ‘I’m fine, how are you?’, ‘I’m fine’, blah blah. As someone who has most often been described using adjectives like ‘intense’, ‘deep’, ‘sensitive’ {usually with the prefix ‘too’}, I find this kind of shallow and meaningless social banter dull at best, and quite excruciating at worst. Which is not to say I don’t frequently go along with it.

Or at least, until now. I may have a new perspective on this. In the book, Elizabeth Lesser talks about Rumi’s concept of the Open Secret, which is essentially that because we all follow this ‘I’m fine and everything’s great’ script, we often leave such interactions feeling somehow diminished, thinking the other person really has their life sorted and their shit together, and why don’t I?

The ‘secret’ being that of course beneath this very fine skin of human communication lie layers and layers of deeper truths; that we have a nagging sense of unease and we don’t know why, that one of the kids is struggling in school, that we are feeling stressed about money or work or our partner, or whatever. We don’t tend to mention these when someone asks ‘how are you?’ because perhaps we don’t feel we know them well enough, or we don’t want to bore or burden them, or there isn’t time, or we don’t want to seem weak.

Elizabeth Lesser writes:

“Rumi tells us that the moment we accept what troubles we’ve been given, the door will open. Sounds easy, sounds attractive, but it is difficult, and most of us pound on the door to freedom and happiness with every manipulative ploy save the one that actually works. If you’re interestd in opening the door to the heavens, start with the door to your own secret self. See what happens when you offer to another a glimpse of who you really are. Start slowly. Without getting dramatic, share the simple dignity of yourself in each moment – your triumphs and your failures, your satisfaction and your sorrow. Face your embarrassment at being human, and you’ll unocver ad eep well of passion and compassion. It’s a great power, your Open Secret. When your heart is undefended, you make it safe for whomever you meet to put down his burden of hiding, and then you both can walk through the open door.”

{my emphasis}

Certainly in my own experience, when I bare the bones of where I’m at in response to the ‘how are you’ question with “simple dignity” ~ and without busting out the sad violins or painting a dramatic picture ~ I find I am met with variations of relief and recognition and instantly deeper connection. By being honest and open we allow others to feel safe to do the same, and remind them that underneath we all share this business of being human, and we are never truly alone in our struggles {and triumphs}. The same with the blog; when I am open and don’t pretend, it elicits heartfelt and heartwarming responses, as though we’ve all climbed into a box together and are nodding and smiling at each other, saying ‘yes, me too’.

So here’s my current truth: I am dealing with a broken heart, the loss of a dear friend, the simultaneous shattering of many illusions I did not even know I was carrying, and the scariness of stepping into new territory with no map. AND ALSO: I am blessed beyond belief with a comfortable, cosy and beautiful home a mere minute’s walk from the sea, I am surrounded by the pillowy comfort of loving and supportive friends and family, and I am embarking on a long held dream to be of service while living a creative inspired life.

How are you?xx

Filed Under: healing, journey Tagged With: book, broken open, elizabeth lesser, rumi, the open secret

January 9, 2013 by Tara 16 Comments

If you missed part one of this riveting story, you can get clued up here.

This is the part of the fairytale where the book fell out of ~~the beautiful princess~~ me.

When I say ‘fell out of me’, I’m not really joking. I sat down one day, knowing I had Stuff To Say, I opened 750words.com and for the next ten days the words just poured out.

I have alluded to it in a couple of previous posts, but I was waiting til it was finished to do a big announcement. Then I realised that I didn’t know when it would be finished {editing takes time, people!} and I want to talk about it NOW! The writing is more or less done. I have one more image to add. I think I mentioned it’ll be a self publishing adventure, possibly as an ebook/kindle arrangement/a small quantity of actual copies.

I have wanted to write a book since I was very small. Up until recently I never felt I knew enough about anything to fill one, but then ‘suddenly’ {after years of accumulating experience and even some wisdom} I found I did. I initally wrote it because I just really really wanted to; now it’s around 18,000 words across ten chapters, and I genuinely believe it DOES offer something of value.

So I know you’re gagging to ask me questions! Here are some I’ve anticipated {aren’t I kind}:

So Tara, what’s this book called?

Creative Spark: {Re}Igniting Your Innate Creativity With Everyday Wisdom

What’s it about?

It’s about the connection between creativity and the lessons we learn in day to day life. It will help you uncover and express your true self through the joyful and fulfilling experience of creating art of all kinds.

What inspired it?

I have been working with my teacher for nearly three years now, and I began to notice that the things I was learning from her, as well as from reading and personal experiences, were also applicable to the creative process. I started to develop an approach to painting, and my creativity in general, that reflected the lessons I was learning in my life. I know from my own experience that integrating creativity into our lives is essential for feeling more fulfilled, more confident and more joyful in ourselves. Creativity is, I believe, one of the most important forms of self love.

Who’s it for?

Mainly it’s for people just starting out, especially if they are not sure or confident about how and where to begin. It’s also for those who repeatedly find themselves stumbling over the same hurdles, creatively or in their day to day lives. These ‘lessons’ apply across the board. The life lessons {or life ‘sparks’} that I have chosen to illustrate various ways to be creative are grounded in practical, day to day wisdom, but there is also a more ‘woo woo’ leaning to it, which will suit those with an interest in a more spiritual approach to life. There are two ways to read it really: as an artist on a path of self discovery, or as a person seeking their own personal truth with a desire to find or develop their creativity.

Because so many of us lead such busy lives, I have included plenty of ways to include creativity into a busy lifestyle. Having a full life should not mean having no time to do what makes your heart sing.

Can you tell me a little bit more?

I can, my friend, I can! Thank you so much for asking!

Each chapter covers a different area of creativity, from topics such as how to use your intuition and noticing skills to what to do when fear comes up. After a little discussion about a particular topic, I talk about how it can be applied in both everyday living and when we are making art, whether that’s painting, cooking, knitting, photography or whatever your chosen area{s}.

There are lots of ideas for igniting your own creative spark, chapter summaries for a quick reminder of key points covered, and at the back you will find several pages of resources and inspiration to take you forward. Everything included I have found useful and supportive on my own creative journey.

It’s the kind of book you can open at any point and find a spark of inspiration; perfect when you don’t have much time, or are looking for a bit of creative support, or just some pretty images! It gives me pleasure to imagine myself as your creative guide within the pages, cheering you on and lighting the way during moments of uncertainty or confusion.

That’s enough for today methinks. Thank you so much if you got this far! I hope to get it published in some form by the end of the month; I’ll keep you posted.

Filed Under: creativity, healing, journey, writing Tagged With: book, creative spark

January 4, 2013 by Tara 6 Comments

{Grainy photo alert. Goodness me I’ll be glad when I get the internet set up here permanently. Dongles are great but they run out fast!}

Something I didn’t think to mention in my last post occurred to me soon after I published it. This focus on the theme of Ease that I’ve chosen for the year ahead is only a part of what it’s really all about for me. I drew myself a diagram {prettied up version to follow} and I saw that all the things I want to give myself now are about healing. The more I think about this, the more I’m like, YEAH! I can feel myself wanting to take total responsibility for healing all that is still unhealed within me. Wanna know how I’m gonna do that?

So do I! Ha ha. Actually I have many tools at my disposal, from meditating to Tai Chi, to working with my teacher, the support of friends near and far, and family, books and websites, and the sea outside my window. And of course, there is the art. I always wanted to combine my love of art with a desire to help others. For years I didn’t know what I really meant by that but I can see it unfolding now and it’s quite exciting!

With the Creative Spark Sessions, the book I’ve written and the Reiki sessions I offer, it’s all starting to come together. But I realise too that this isn’t just about helping others; I am not much use if I have not supported myself in this way as well.

So my own healing path this year will encompass my current practices ~ Tai Chi, meditation, spending time on the beach and walking by the sea, making and nurturing meaningful connections with kindred spirits, making art, learning to be kinder and more compassionate to myself ~ and also some new ones:

365 Self Portraits: I’ve joined a Flickr group focused on taking a self portrait photo for every day of the year. Let’s not be under any illusion that I’ll manage one every day ~ I’m already four days late! ~ but I remember the healing journey of Wading In and I am also interested to see myself develop and grow over the coming year, inside and out.

Be Your Own Beloved: In February Vivienne McMaster is running this new class and I have signed up. It is “a 28 day photo adventure designed to cultivate self-reflection and self-compassion through the practice of taking self-portraits.” If you haven’t tried a) one of Vivienne’s classes or b) self portraiture as a means to heal, I highly recommend both. Registration is still open and it’s extremely good value for money.

Cultivating a home: It’s almost a month since I moved into the dream flat {and yes there will be an extensive guided tour when I get the internet and therefore enough time to pull THAT post together}; things are starting to fall into their natural places but I’m conscious that it’s an evolving process of working out what works for me and what makes me feel best. My aim is to make every single thing in this place a reflection of my home as {healing} sanctuary.

Instagram: I’m not actually joking. It sounds a bit daft but I’m finding Instagram to be quite the little healing tool; it’s a way to connect and share, a way to be inspired and see beautiful images, and I find the snapshots of the lives of others around the world to be wonderfully comforting and useful in offering perspective when I’m stuck in my own stuff.

Sharing on my blog: I cherish this space and all of you who are so faithful to it. It is a little homecoming each time I come here and I feel so supported by each and every one of you who comes by. I love to take photos, make art and write, and being able to share all of that is a blessing. I just hope that what I do share continues to be helpful and interesting.

It’s funny how all this introspection is prompting my inner critic to reprimand me for writing ‘too many’ words and thinking ‘too much’ about myself! “They don’t want to hear about your personal healing journey!” she says. Let’s start the healing there, then. To be whole we must embrace all our parts; ALL of them. I am going to press publish now and head up to my studio to start the healing process.

Filed Under: healing, journey, online classes Tagged With: healing, ways to heal

November 29, 2012 by Tara 6 Comments

Once upon a time there was a little girl with blonde hair and a growing love for words who wanted only to write stories and paint pictures. She wrote and wrote, and drew and painted, and was very happy.

But They told her that although she was good at those things, and even though they often rewarded her for them, she must know she could never do them for real when she grew up. She must do something that was sensible, acceptable to Them and preferably the same as everyone else.

She lost faith in her spark, so she put it all to one side for many years, and the creative light inside her grew very dim.

Without her light, the girl’s world grew very dark for quite some time. Everyone was rather worried. But little by little and slowly slowly, she saw that listening to Them had shrunk her and she wasn’t living her own life, and she stood up, and began to walk away from the dark. She was very wobbly on her brave new legs at first, but she found help and support, and she moved away to live by the sea.

With each step she took, the spark inside her grew larger, until it ignited into a tiny flickering flame that lit her up a little and made her glow. She found a wise teacher who helped her to cultivate her light into a steadily burning flame, that grew and grew until it shone out of her for all to see. She picked up her pen and her brush once again, and cast her light further by creating things that gave pleasure to people who saw them.

Then one day she realised that inside her was a big treasure chest full of Wonders, and that sharing them helped others to remember that they had a spark inside them too. She saw that there were lots of people just like her, who had sparks inside that had almost been put out a long time ago by Them.

She set about finding ways to help more people to find their inner sparks, using her own to show her the way.

She made many many paintings, and wrote many many words, and she found a special place to live where she could share what she knew with people who were looking for their sparks too, and where she could show them how to find them. It was a very exciting time. She wrote a book for the spark hunters. She shared her words and pictures with kindred spirits around the world, and her special space with those closer to home.

She had found her creative spark, and, in the process, herself.

And she lived happily ever after. {Mostly.}

*******************

Yeah, she’s me. Obvs. But I’m guessing at least some of her story is also your story, give or take a few details. Stay tuned for part two, where we will learn what came of discovering the spark, and how we can all do it, with a bit of support and encouragement.

Filed Under: creativity, healing, journey, writing Tagged With: book, creative spark, fairytale, story, writing

October 2, 2012 by Tara 12 Comments

Sometimes you don’t know what you need until someone gives it to you.

Today I was given some heartfelt words from someone I’ve never met that brought about some quite unglamorous sobbing {although let’s face it, that’s not uncommon at the moment, the tears thing}, and I realised that I hadn’t known that I needed to feel seen until I was.

Actually I usually dread feeling seen, but now I think about it there’s seen and then there’s seen.

The first is the kind where you feel exposed and put on the spot, like in that dream about being naked in public, or on stage with no clue of your lines.

The kind I felt today was the sort that makes you feel like you have a glow around you; you feel comforted and almost literally warmed by the fact that someone out there has in some way benefitted from you baring your soul through words and pictures and just trying to be honest.

I feel grateful and comforted and slightly in awe, actually. I suppose when you have this not-so-secret mission in life {and we all have one, secret or otherwise}, and then you find out you’re actually accomplishing it, or have at least begun to in some small way, awe is a definite result of that.

I know that you guys all have this mission too. So many of you are artists or ~ I’m searching for the right word ~ those who dance, shall we say {as opposed to those who do not hear the music}, that I know you know what I am saying here.

We don’t want to help people, or change the world in whatever small {or large} ways, or share our creativity so that everyone will congratulate us {although that’s totally allowed, of course!}. We do it because it’s who we are, and we don’t know how to be different. And because we want to give something.

But to have that recognised is really something. And I just wanted to share that because I think you will all have had similar experiences. In fact I’d really love to hear about them. I’d love to celebrate all the ways we’ve been seen and honoured by others who most likely we’ve never met because of the nature of blogging. Please share if you would like to. And also please know that I see you, just by virtue of you coming by and leaving a few words from time to time. They show me something about you. And even if you don’t leave words, we are still connected and I am very happy for your presence.

You are always welcome here.

************************

The images are just some playing I’ve been doing with Pixlr. I’ve been combining my love of quotes with random paintings from my sketchbooks and sharing my efforts on Facebook. Clearly there’s some further learning to do here. {Looking at the chopped off words in the last one.} Isn’t there always?

************************

Also on the theme of being seen, I’ve just added a plugin that should mean you will receive an email if you leave a comment and I or someone else replies to it. Since the only way I can test whether it works is by someone trying it, please feel free to leave a comment and I will respond and then we can see if you get an email! That would be fab, thank you.

xoxo

Filed Under: healing, journey Tagged With: being seen, gratitude, sharing

September 13, 2012 by Tara 3 Comments

Today when I woke up, I didn’t have the knot of anxiety in my solar plexus or the spinning vortex of thoughts in my brain that are usually there the instant I become conscious.

The sun shone all day, and as I type I am looking at the most beautiful sunset, or rather, the effect of the sunset on the clouds outside my window.

I ate my lunch on the beach.

My lunch consisted of sandwiches filled with chicken and homemade guacamole, including tomatoes I grew myself, followed by pistachio nuts, a banana and two dark chocolate covered ginger biscuits.

I sat for around four hours soaking up the sound of the waves, enjoying the sun, watching people and scribbling notes about my planned projects, breaking only to stretch my legs walking along the seafront to see the ~~flat~~ home I’ll soon be moving into.

I spent some time with a supportive and fun friend.

I received a text message from D filled with kisses and complimenting the “amazing” flapjacks I made yesterday. {There are none left.}

My mum texted to set up a day for us to spend together having lunch and doing some shopping.

LoveFilm have sent me the next dvd in the series of Charmed.

I have everything I need to feel loved, safe, and comfortable and plenty to make me feel excited, brave and capable.

I don’t always appreciate my blessings; I often think about them but I don’t always feel my gratitude for them right down to my bones. So today I’m just taking a moment to say to the universe,

“Thank you, more of the same please.”

Filed Under: healing, journey, writing Tagged With: appreciation, clouds, gratitude, thank you